So my mother and I went to Olive Garden this afternoon to catch the lunch special. We made it just in time before it ended for the evening. While there we were assigned this cute waiter that instantly made me nervous. So nervous in fact that I ordered something I knew I didn't want when I came in there but avoided it when I saw him because I was afraid my pronunciation of it would sound stupid. (And this coming from a girl who has taken Italian and was self-conscious about how goddang stupid she'd sound saying "gnoche" even though I know exactly how it's pronounced!!)
Anyway, the waiter's name was Jose but he went by Joe being that there were so many other Jose's working at the restaurant.
He was adorable and very kind. He ended up just talking to my mother and I for like 10 minutes when he had a break. That made me happy but really nervous. It was hard for me to look at his eyes. I would try but quickly look away in a matter of seconds. He kept turning to look at me, probably out of politeness. just to make me think he was trying to ignore me. But I kind of wished he had since I was so nervous.
But he was sweet.
He also writes and wants to do screenplays. The same things I do and want to do. He told me my writing was probably great. I said it wasn't. He insisted it was.
He also likes improv. When my mother told him I took a class he immediately asked me to show off some of my skills (which are completely non-existent.) I quickly retorted that he would need to give me a scenario. Luckily he didn't come up with one and I just ended up telling him about the things we do in class and explaining some of the exercises. They seemed to excite him and spark an interest.
Even though I wanted to rocket out into the cold outside just because I was so nervous (and I probably would have done just that if my mother were not there), it was still nice when he looked at me. His gaze was kind and warm. He was a pretty mellow 21 year old, with a good head on his shoulders and a strong spirit with a good heart....you could just tell. My mother even thought so, so it had to be true :P
Guys make me so nervous. It's just unbelievable. Boys make me want to jump off a building.
I don't really know how to function around them. Just smile and not make waves. I don't want any attention drawn towards me when they're around.
I wish I was one of those strong girls who are fearless and never feel the need to please men, yet alone ones they don't even know. I wish I was one of those sharp, sarcastic girls who are witty without even trying just because they're simply being themselves all of the time. I wish I was classy enough, and not to so painstakingly girly, to not care when men are in my presence and just to rest assured in the knowledge that I am completely equal and am not responsible for entertaining them. I wish I was as strong as a red head and as secure as my mother.
I wish I weren't such a girly girl.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: I wish I were a boy.
My mom thinks the guy liked me but I think she was wrong.