Okay, so I figured i might not get over this until I wrote it.

HE'S STILL TALKING TO THOSE GIRLS ON HIS LIVEJOURNAL!!!!!!! The entry that described me PERFECTLY just got commented and replied to by him on THE 23RD!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF!!!!!! I COULD'VE TALKED TO HIM THAT SAME NIGHT FOR ALL I KNOW!!!! It's the 27th, I've known him for two years and he's STILL TALKING AND SEARCHING FOR OTHER WOMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!

"I AM EVERYTHING HE NEEDS. PERIOD." <-----that's how it's easy to feel, but it's not true. As a matter of fact, I don't have anything he needs. I just arouse him and make him smile. That's it. And in the long run, that doesn't count for much. Yet, he's still looking for women who can do the same thing, even though he's got me. But that's the thing....I'm not a woman. Not yet entirely I guess. I'm just a teenager. I can never do anything for him. I'll never be able to understand his problems from an adult point of view like other women can now. I can't offer him any valid life advice because I have yet to live it. I haven't even had my own job yet. I can't uplift him, I can't lead him. I'm not his age equal. He'll always be teaching me and giving while I take like a daughter. I guess that's why he's looking for other women, even just for arousal, because I guess I'm not good enough.
I thought I had him because he flirts with me so much and because he encourages me and says sweet things. That means nothing. This is an age old tale, so obvious I can't even be considered a victim.
What did I and what do I expect? I have NO ownership over him. No part of him belongs to me.
So I can't be mad when he still continues to look for other women.
I'm just a worthless little girl who can't give him anything.
I got so mad, I daydreamed about a day when I could introduce him to my husband or fiance while he's old and gray and still alone because he was too busy looking for women to settle down. I wanted to hurt him. For him to see me and WISH he would've taken his chance. I wanted to punish him and see him hurt and tell him his chance had BEEN up and that there was never going to be another hope for us. For once in our relationship, I didn't want to see him happy. I wanted to see him sad. And alone. Like me.

He's probably still looking for women now because no matter how "sweet" a man is, he's still a man. And nothing will ever be enough for him. Period.

Don't be fooled, Zoe, don't be fooled. Ever again.